Thursday, January 28, 2010

Chuck Norris at Walt Disney World

Jack Sparrow attends the Chuck Norris tutorial.

The 3:00 parade is exactly when Chuck Norris says it will be.

The 999 happy haunts have lost count of Chuck Norris' contributions.

When Chuck Norris blinks, it's equivalent to being closed for refurbishment.

Chuck Norris wins the Tomorrowland Speedway every time. Then he gets a victory lap.

Chuck Norris' two week Kilamanjaro Safari actually lasted two weeks.

Chuck Norris completed the Kim Possible World Showcase Adventure in record timing. Without a Kimmunicator.

As you cross over from Adventureland into Frontierland, notice the subtle transition of Chuck Norris' boot to your face.

Instead of a one-hour return window listed on his FASTPASS, the return time listed on a FASTPASS issued to Chuck Norris reads as “imminent.”

The Hollywood Tower Hotel wasn’t hit by lightening. The Hollywood Tower Hotel hit Chuck Norris.

We wants the redhead. Chuck Norris got her.

Instead of using a fingertip for his biometric scan, Chuck Norris just stares down the machine.

On the Sum of All Thrills at Innoventions East, guests create their own ride experience by choosing a ride theme: a roller coaster, bobsled, jet plane or Chuck Norris.

Extra Magic Hours are determined by when Chuck Norris will be in particular park.

Chuck Norris whittled the Tree of Life in his sleep.

Park visitors on the Disney Dining Plan can now use a quick service credit for a Chuck Norris roundhouse.

Have some of your own?
Post a comment!


  1. It's a small world after all. Except for Chuck Norris.

  2. BWHAAAAAA HA HA HA HA! Love this, Joel!

  3. When kids ride Dinosaur at Walt Disney World, they leave crying. When Chuck Norris rides Dinosaur, it's the Dinos who do the crying.

  4. You're my hero, Joel! (Well, right after Chuck Norris!)

  5. Came up with another...

    The Olszewski miniature of Chuck Norris was originally referred to as the Florida Project.

  6. This just in from Jonas at

    The reason there are no Chuck Norris movies featured in the so-called "The Great Movie Ride" is because it's not called, "The Most Awesome Kick Ass Movies Ever Made Ride."

    When Chuck Norris visits Disney World, The Tower of Terror yields its name to Chuck "Tower of Terror" Norris.

  7. Chuck Norris deals out two forms of punishment on Maelstrom: one is a swift roundhouse kick to the neck. The other? The film.

  8. Oh. You are hilarious. And Jonas, bravo on your contribution.


  9. On Mission:Space, you can ride with the Green Team, or you can ride with Chuck Norris.

  10. If Spaceship Earth was a golf ball, the golfer would have to be over a mile tall or Chuck Norris.

  11. Due to recent intersecting foot traffic, the afternoon parade has been renamed. The new name? Chuck Norris. Why? Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and gets away with it.

  12. Chuck Norris doesn't need a safety bar. It's the ride that is in danger!

  13. Many have climbed Mount Everest, but only Chuck Norris has scaled Space Mountain

  14. Chuck Norris was a guest at the Hollywood Hotel, why did he still use the stairs to get down? Because he was in a hurry.